“The Ox” Rests

Mom, also known as “The Ox” for her incomprehensible ability to plow forward, passed away on Saturday. While expected due to her health, it was nonetheless shocking; she had previously proven herself to be immortal. 

Here’s the beautiful thing about legacy: you get to choose the memories you want to keep and want to share. And, as my Grandpop liberally would apply, “never let the truth get in the way of a good story” – especially now since Mom can’t dispute any of this. 

So, let me tell you about the truth and true legacy of Sandy Mac – “Mom Mac” to so many.

No Payout

First of all, I’m sad to announce that no one will be paid out on death odds for Sandy Mac. Mom was at death’s doorstep so many times that we actually started betting on what would take her out. My mom cheated death so many times that she made Donald Trump look monogamous. Seriously.

We would often joke that it would be the common cold to take her down. Mom had herself at even odds for a trip and fall accident leading to death.

The truth is that they finally ran out of 1942 parts to complete her most recent “tune-up.”

The Positive Try

For me, the indelible lesson of my Mom’s life is contained within intertwined two-pronged quotes she repeated ad nauseam:

“The very least you can do is just try.” (I’ve written about this here.)

“Smile and the world smiles with you; cry and cry alone.”

These two statements point to indisputable facts about a successful approach to life. There is no “fair.” There are only choices.

She reminded us of these facts often. You must:

• Seize stewardship over your life (try epic shit)
• Take agency in your choices (you don’t control the world, but you control your attitude)

In all my life and with all my Soul, this remains the secret recipe to life. 

Education

My mother was a woman with a 7th grade education who then attended business trade school so she could help support her family. Mom had a strong shorthand game and her typing speed was legendary. For forty years, she helped run a successful law office in Center City Philadelphia. I am grateful for my Uncle Harry Rubin for giving her that chance – and my mom cashing in that ticket of opportunity. 

Education is not about schooling. It is about the want and the willingness to learn. The only thing that outstripped my mom’s thirst for knowledge was her thirst for Ernest and Julio Gallo’s red jug wine – slightly chilled in the refrigerator. 

Every night, we ate dinner as a family and shared our day’s milestones. During this time, Mom challenged us with three words to spell and define. I’m certain I was the only 3rd grader at Tatem who knew, “affidavit, deposition, and subpoena.” 

This exercise inspired me. While my friends sat and read comic books, I hid away on my bed under the covers reading the dictionary. Yes, I read the dictionary. Not kidding.

I’m grateful to my Mom for instilling a love of learning in me. It is one of the cornerstones of any success I’ve experienced.

Effort

Whatever little Mom missed in education, effort mortared the gaps. Mom (and Dad’s) collective pride in always giving 110% effort reared its head during a drive home from work one day. I ran a construction company and revenues skyrocketed from $7MM to $13MM to $28MM to $30MM. That day, I shared that we had made the Inc fastest-growing companies in the United States (again).

Mom said, “That is wonderful son. But, please make sure you work hard. There are a lot of people counting on you.”

I laughed. I assured Mom I would try harder. I guess I wasn’t working hard enough yet. Imagine if I had! Every time I pass that spot on the highway, I chuckle at the memory and remember the lesson. “Work hard and harder.”

Perspective on Life

Most people think my mom was incredibly nice. I’m telling you that she wasn’t. I don’t want to go so far and say she was something rhyming with ‘pitch’, but I wouldn’t be wrong. I know my sisters’ would agree.

Mom was rude and opinioned and bullheaded. God invited her to come home so many times and she rudely (and intentionally) did not answer the door. 

In all other matters other than dying, Mom was among the nicest people I’ve ever met.

But, because she went to his door so many times, we had to talk about life and death a lot. The number of times I held mom’s hand thinking, “this is it…” Too many to count.

Here’s what Mom and I talked about in those moments:

1. You are born and you will die. No escaping life without death.
2. John Maher had it right, “Say what you need to say.” We did that. Again and again and again.
3. My mom made me promise that I was only allowed to be sad for a minute when she passed. I agreed.  Well, that was a fucking lie.
4. If you accept living, then you have to accept dying. It’s just part of the process. But, we have a choice: Do we want to focus in on the one second of our life that is death – or the amazing body of work that made people laugh and feel loved and inspired? Choose the latter.
5. I still have a few tears to shed (sorry Mom, it’s more than a minute), but from there on out, I’m celebrating the fifteen extra years of my life that was spent with Mom. No one did more with their “Golden ticket.” I’m grateful for all the gatherings in-between and that I could introduce Rachel, Brooklyn and Briggs to her.

Embarrass

As a kid, my mom regularly embarrassed the shit out of me (all of us, actually). Honestly, it was horrible. Kim and Jen – Dad – am I wrong with this? How many “Let’s go Jerry Jr. WooWoo!” can you take? It was the trademark “woo-woo” that was inescapable. It was like a horrible fart in the middle of the church. No escaping it!

I remember stepping out of the batter’s box at Radnor Field and laughing with the umpire and the catcher when I was thirteen. My mom was the “woo-woo” mom and she was in full motion. She was only slightly better than the cowbell mom. 

And, it continued into adulthood. When I was recognized by the JBJ as a “40 Under 40”, Mom and Dad were able to visit and attend. Sure as shit when my name got called, Mom gave her famous, “Woo woo! Way to go Jerry Jr.!”

I still wish she was here to embarrass me again – just one more time.

Life didn’t owe us anything more than what you gave and how you fought over the last fifteen years. That’s the legacy I’ll cherish.

But, I’m happy to settle for the amazing lessons and memories, Mom. I’ll honor your legacy by continuing to live and share them. I love you. 

PS – What I would give for one more “woo-woo!” 🙂

PPS – If you would like to read Mom’s obituary, it’s here.